Sunday, May 1, 2011

A difficult day

Today was such a seriously frustrating day. James was soooooo fussy all day. Here is how it went:
6am, James woke up. I fed him, got him back to sleep, then I pumped and got ready for church. Ended up going through almost my entire wardrobe to try to find something to wear that fit me that didn't make me feel like a huge blah. Seriously, I must be the only woman alive that looks bigger 3 months after having baby than when it was only a few weeks after. 8:30am, fed him again really quick and then we got in the car to go to church. The kid SCREAMED the entire time. I am seriously on edge already.

Then we get into church and of course, the chapel is full, so there is no where to sit. It drives me crazy that they never open the overflow so we can discretely go sit down when we are a few minutes late. Instead we have to parade in and walk all the way to the front with a screaming baby. As soon as we found a seat and sat down, the kid started getting out of control, so I turned around and walked back out with him. He eventually settled down, so I went back about 10 minutes later and he fussed and slept fitfully for the rest of the hour. Someone else had a two month old that just sat in their lap quietly the entire time...I didn't mean to, but I couldn't stop staring at them. So not fair!

Then, the next hour we go for Sunday school. As soon as we get in there, he starts screaming. So I took him out, changed him, and fed him. I came back about 20 minutes later and he was happy for a little while, but started screaming again during the prayer. Nice. I gave him to Anthony for the last hour, thinking that I could take a little break and try to get something out of church.

A few minutes into our lesson, I hear him screaming in the hallway. Anthony hasn't really been able to quiet him down recently, so I leave to go save him. Anthony is walking him in the hallway, looking frazzled. Anthony kind of jokingly told me about a woman we don't know who told him he was holding him wrong and that is why he was screaming and how she offered to take James from him...I just rolled my eyes. I take him and calm him down a little bit and he seems happier, so I go back into relief society. 10 minutes later I hear screaming, so I leave again and Anthony and I decide to just go home since church will be over in a few minutes. I am holding him and bouncing him while Anthony grabs the diaper bag and the same woman comes over to tell me that I am holding him wrong and that if I would just hold him differently he would stop crying. After seeing the look in my eye, she might have rethought what she was saying, because then she said, "I shouldn't tell you, you're the mom". At this point I am frustrated and on the verge of tears, so I am trying to be polite, but probably not succeeding, and blurt out "I know my baby!!" while Anthony is pulling me toward the door. As soon as we get in the car (with James SCREAMING) in his car seat I dissolved into tears and can't stop yelling about how ridiculous it is that nobody likes being told what to do as a parent, including the people who do it, so why do they??? I'm sure the woman was well meaning, but at times like that it just feels like criticism, as in "the reason your baby is crying is because you are doing x,y, and z wrong" I wish I had a baby that didn't cry all of the time, for literally no reason, but that is just not the child I was given. Advice from parents who don't have a child like that is not welcome because it just doesn't apply. Please don't offer unless I ask. What I need is support, not an implication that I am not good enough.

It is so difficult to take this kid places, it seriously isn't worth it most of the time. Anthony and I listened to some conference talks after we got home from church and put James down for a nap and one speaker in particular talked about parenting and being regular with scripture study and family home evening (and going to church in our situation). He said that children won't necessarily remember what was said or what they learned, but they will remember that you had it. I felt a little bit better about our day at church. He may scream and it may be a stressful experience for everyone, but eventually he will grow out of it and he will remember, from as early as he can, that we go to church on Sundays. That the gospel is a priority in our lives. Like my sister always reminds me, this is a marathon not a sprint, so I need to find ways to be happy in the moment and pace myself because we are in this for the long haul :)


Happy said...

UGH, I CAN'T STAND unsolicited advice!!!! That was definitely the most annoying thing I experienced as a new mom!!! I seriously can't tell you how many people told me things that made me feel like they thought I was a total idiot or like my baby would never survive without them teaching me how to take care of her. Seriously, most annoying thing EVER. I'm so sorry for what you're going through! I had a couple of friends who had difficult babies, but then they were great toddlers! They always said that each time they had a baby, they knew they just had to get through that first [while] and then it was a breeze from there on out! It will get better! You're seriously doing such a great job, keep up the good (hard!) work!!

teachergirl said...

People suck and have no sense of boundaries. I think you handled that beautifully, and I think you handled the whole day beautifully.

You know James and you know how to handle him. He's already so much better, and he'll keep getting better--and so will you. You're doing a great job.

This junk is hard. For reals. Nobody tells you how hard. But it's HARD. One day at a time. One day at a time.

Phambabe said...

Parents with kids that didn't scream uncontrollably have NO CLUE! I have a friend who has two boys with a third baby on the way and both of her boys were super colicky and she always says she can't stand babies for that reason lol. She prefers toddlers! I totally get it. You're doing all the right things and no one can do it better for him than you do! You were way nicer than I would have been to that lady hehe.