Monday, January 31, 2011

Cookie Wars

For those of you that don't know, Anthony LOVES cookies. Especially double stuffed mint oreo cookies. They are his absolute favorite!!! That in itself is not all that unusual, I mean who doesn't love Oreos right? Unfortunately Anthony also has a secretive, protective hoarding tendancy when it comes to his sweets, especially the Oreos. He will buy a bag of cookies and then lovingly savor them for months, completely happy with the fact that they are in the house should he want them, but rations them out like small treasures that can never be replaced. Of course, I see a bag of a cookies and I think, "Ooo, cookies. I think I will have some." And then I have some. This frustrates Anthony to no end!! Apparently I not only have too many too quickly, but I don't appreciate or savor them appropriately so I'm not really worthy of them anyway (!)  I don't know how many fights or "discussions" have been started because he is so protective of his cookies.

In fact, in the first few months of pregnancy when I was sick to my stomach all of the time, I happened to have, count them, two (shocking!) oreos one after the other. Anthony actually looked at me and asked me, "Are you sure you need to eat those?" implying to a hormonal, bloated pregnant woman that she really didn't need those extra calories. So I did what any rational person would do. I threw the cookies at him and refused to talk to him for the entire night. Looking back, I know that he didn't mean to insinuate anything about my weight or diet but apparently he was so distressed that I was eating his cookies he lost his mind and said whatever came to him first.

When we moved to our new apartment at the beginning of December, we went grocery shopping and bought two bags of Oreos. Just last week we got to the end of the first bag and I turned to Anthony and said that he better get out the second bag (I figured he had hidden them somewhere as usual). He scoffed and said that he had assumed that the bag in the cupboard was mine and that he had taken "his" bag and put them away. I demanded to know where he had hidden them and he just laughed and laughed while I searched the kitchen for hiding places. I didn't find them and pretended like I didn't care and that I had given up. Ever since then, whenever I was home alone, I would search diligently for those cookies. There is no way that he was going to get away with hiding them from me! Finally I found them hidden in a cookie jar that I thought was still full of different cookies. So, I took them out and replaced them with this ransom note:
Now for the fun part! Since Anthony waits so long to eat his cookies, I wasn't sure how long it would take for him to find the note. Finally about three days later, I got a text message from him while I am at work. He finally discovered the missing cookies! Of course, I couldn't let him off that easy. Later that afternoon I sent him an email with some ransom pictures of different people on campus eating his cookies:

Hi Honey!
I know you are missing your cookies, but don’t worry about them. They are being enjoyed by MANY other people:

Skip Holtz loved chomping down on a quality Oreo:
Of course, Skip isn’t greedy. He wanted to make sure Rocky the Bull got some too:
A cookie made its way to subway…
And another one really wanted to be eaten by the food court workers:
After having seen that, another cookie was sure it wanted to be eaten by grateful student workers:
So that is why you don’t hide cookies from your pregnant wife. They end up being eaten by EVERYONE except for you!! The remaining cookies are being kept in a secure location until I feel that the ransom has been met sufficiently :)

Your Honey

It took all weekend, but I finally gave in and gave him his cookies back, safe and sound :) Wife=1, Husband=0


Lindsey and Bryan said...

lol This is priceless!! I couldn't stop laughing while reading this! And now I seriously want to go out and get some oreos:)

Happy said...

HILARIOUS!!! All I could think about while reading this though was about those amazing Andies Mint cookies that Anthony gave us while we were at your house! Jared and I TORE through them!!!! I bet Anthony was DYING!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man, I seriously think we ate all 2 or 3 boxes!!!!!! I feel SO BAD!!!! But I sure did enjoy them!!

teachergirl said...

this is the most amazing, creative, awesome thing i've ever heard of and he totally deserved it for the comment about you needing to eat them.

doesn't any guy get that the first trimester is just a BAD TIME to be obnoxious? :)

good job, wife! you did great!