I am dying. This is some kind of sick torture. My kid has not stopped screaming for the past 2 days, it feels like. When he isn't asleep, he is screaming his head off and he has barely slept. He has even started to lose his voice and he has this hoarse little squeak that goes along with the screams now. The night before last I had to get up with him literally every single hour and then last night I had to move into the living room and try to nap on the couch because he would wake up and want his pacificer put back into his mouth, I'm not kidding, every 10 minutes from 3:30am until 6 am. I am so miserable and tired and exhausted. He got some shots at the doctor's office a few days ago, so we've been giving him tylenol in case he is hurting, but it feels like he just wants to cry.
I've tried putting him down and letting him cry for a few minutes, but that resulted in me sitting on the floor sobbing my eyes out wondering why my child hates me and isn't comforted by anything I do. Every one says that this is a phase and that it will pass, but it is so hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel when every single minute of every day seems endless. Last night I was so tired I just wanted to cry at how frustrated I was, but I physically didn't have the energy.
I don't know what to do. I feel like other moms would be able to handle this better than me, that they wouldn't get so miserable and upset but it just feels so horrible when he is crying and there is nothing I can do about it. I also don't have any close friends that are near me since we moved, and it is so hard to talk about this kind of stuff because I am always afraid that people are going to judge me or think that I am a bad mother because I'm not happy with this newborn stage of my son's life. Honestly, Anthony and I are counting down the days until he gets older and hopefully grows out of this. I have all this guilt because I feel like I should be cherishing these days when he is so little, but I am so miserable that I just can't. Maybe only people with easy babies can cherish those days? Or maybe they only long for it in hindsight? I don't know. I just needed to get that out.
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4 comments:
Girl, you are not alone. We have ALL been there. You are NOT a bad mom and no one will think you're crazy talking about this - most of the moms there will be able to sympathize with you. It's not a fun stage, but it does get better. That's no help now, but it's something to remember. Hang in there! (PS - The tiny baby phase was never my favorite phase and I felt guilty all the time that I felt like I wasn't enjoying it).
Well, you sound like a great and totally normal mom to me!! I think any living being, who has a baby to care for who isn't sleeping and cries a ton, struggles and isn't cherishing those difficult days and long nights!! And yes, I do think it is only moms of easy babies who cherish the newborn stage! With Teya I kept thinking how stressful it was at first and with Dallin I kept thinking how surprised I was at how much I was enjoying having a newborn!! You are doing a great job- that would be tough on ANYONE! And I promise, it will get better!! Hang in there!!
We've all been there...this is why they tell you never to shake your baby! :) it's too bad you're not close enough to me. I would come play with the little man while you got a good nap. It's amazing what a little sleep does for mental health! Hang in there, it gets easier and harder, but overall easier! Mostly because eventually you get more sleep....
one of the best pieces of advice i got: sometimes this sucks, and there's nothing wrong with thinking that.
i think it's the dirty little secret of parenthood that nobody talks about the hard stuff. message me if you want to. i promise, i won't judge. i've been the sobbing route too.
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