Pregnancy Journal: Week 5

This week was not really the greatest for me. All week I was filled with all sorts of anxiety and unrest about this pregnancy. I feel obsessively compelled to spend way too much time on the internet researching everything under the sun that I could think of. For some reason I felt that if I could plan everything now (and by everything, I mean everything baby related) then somehow I wouldn't be anxious anymore and I would feel more prepared. As long as I was doing something I didn't feel upset or anxious, but the minute settled down I started to feel upset again. I really couldn't pinpoint why I was feeling this way, but it was very strange and not the way that I would have imagined feeling, just having found out that I was pregnant. I was supposed to be happy and overjoyed, not scared!!!

Plus, Anthony didn't share any of my fears or anxieties so being around him was slightly irritating. He just didn't get it! To be honest, I didn't really get it either but it still bugged me :) Finally Anthony and were able to have a heart to heart about all of my fears and I realized that I needed to let go and just be. I needed to learn to trust in Heavenly Father and his plan for us and our family. Once I realized that, I felt like a large weight was lifted off of my shoulders! I also felt like thinking about more immediate things like making a doctors appointment, the first ultrasound (things that would make me more happy and excited) would somehow jinx everything and make something bad happen.

As far as pregnancy symptoms go, I've started to feel a version of morning sickness that I have a feeling is here to stay. Luckily I haven't physically gotten sick too frequently, but I have a general feeling of nausea all day that gets even worse at night. All I have really been able to eat are crackers and soup, but sometimes I get the weirdest cravings for things that I never eat usually!

Another thing I did this week was take a few more pregnancy tests for good measure :) I can't get enough of getting those positive test results! Here I am with them all: